Sleep is a rare commodity in my world. Between Bea's movements, which feel titanic at this stage, Braxton-Hicks, excess warmth, and a myriad of other late pregnancy symptoms, I find myself waking up at 3 am after falling asleep at 11 or 12. Sometimes I can re-adjust and go back to sleep, other nights--or in this case, morning, I am too awake, so I just read the NYtimes, check my email and wait for exhaustion or a headache to kick in. Then I can usually snag a few more hours before Evie wakes up.
My grandmother says the definition of eternity is the last month of pregnancy. My mom says it has to be this hard or women would never want to go through the pain and work of labor to get a baby out. I think they are both right. I feel emotionally and mentally stretched (not to mention physically) beyond what I think I can handle. I keep praying that I can give up the illusion of control that I am clinging to. Packing the hospital bag won't make anything happen. Changing all the linen on all the beds in the house won't make anything happen. Keeping everything clean, just in case we go into labor and have to leave quickly won't make anything happen. Walking in the hot Kansas August weather won't make anything happen (actually it will make me very uncomfortable, but hasn't brought on labor).
Of course, on top of all this are the regular stresses that come with trying to be a good mommy (when all I want to do is sleep, read, drink water, and sleep some more) a good wife (when all I want is a back-rub, a foot massage, and somebody to cook dinner for me) and a relatively sane woman (when what I really want is to start jumping off the bed or walking around stark naked--because nothing feels comfortable to wear!)
I have to remind myself--it isn't about me. It isn't about Russ or Everett. It isn't even about Beatrice. It a chance for me to let go and completely trust that God is in control and that he will give me the strength, patience, and endurance to complete this journey. To trust that His plan is so much better than mine. That this little life I am growing is a perfect example of how completely amazing He is. And, how He can use me--even when I complain, even when I doubt, and especially when I realize that I can't do it on my own.
I only wish I could have caught the raindrops on film. It was pouring and Evie and I stood on the porch and just watched it rain. So very lovely.
This is the quilt I am working on. The top was given to me, pre-pieced by my mother-in-law. She knows how much I love vintage fabrics and it is made entirely of flour-sacking and feed-sacking from the 30's and 40's. Somebody put a lot of love into making it and I am so glad I can finish it up and give it to my prairie princess. The batting and the backing are the remnants of a comforter my grandmother passed on to me. It was on her bed for years, and has been very, very loved. It is incredibly soft and actually matches most of the bedding I have chosen for Bea's eventual crib--she will start out in a cradle, which has different linens.
Sorry about the fuzziness, I snapped this in the peer-glass before running upstairs to quilt a little bit more.
Looking down our street at the rain.
The top of Bea's mommy-made quilt.
Pretty little sweet-peas in our "garden." Next summer, we will have a real garden. But this year it has been fun to see what blooms or grows as left-overs.
One of our neighbors has a real garden and he very generously shares his delicious fruits and vegetables. This melon came from Charles and is by far the best cantelope I have had all summer. I doubt it will last through the night!
Everett was quiet the floaty-pirate this afternoon at the pool. Whenever he could he would snag a new flotation device and twirl it around the baby pool. Notice his "Cars" life-jacket. When we told him we were going to the pool to swim, he immediately told us he needed his "Cars" and then when we didn't respond quickly enough, took his father down to the basement to get it and put it on. Water-safety is quite important to Mister E.
While I soaked up the sun and cooled off in the water, Everett and his dad played and splashed around. Notice Evie is in a different floaty this time.
After noticing all the lovely "naked-ladies" in our neighbors's yards we were pleased to see that we had a small patch near our garden too. I am going to research to see if they are easy to divide and transplant.
Have I mentioned recently how very in love I am with these two guys? They melt my heart.
My nectarine crisp. Sure it looks pretty, but it just isn't a peach/apple/or cherry crisp. And Russ bluntly said, "That nectarine thing--I don't really like it" However, I was trying to be responsible and not just throw out the nectarines which were quite mushy and over-ripe (even though I had just bought them).
Evie playing in the backyard on Friday. When it is over 100, the only ways to be outside comfortably involve water and lots of it!
Our funny little bird house. I haven't seen any inhabitants yet, but maybe they only take up residence in the spring.
They are called "naked-ladies" because they have no leaves on their stalks and are thus a bit nude. My great-grandmother had another name for them because she thought "naked-ladies" was impolite and vulgar, unfortunately I can't remember it. Mom, help me out!
Can you see the grin? Even from the back! He adores being wet and splashing and I love it when he is happy!
